Jatuh Hati + Berhijrah … = Confused?

Assalamualaikum…

1/ Jatuh Hati?

The BIG question would be: With who/ With what..? Aku TERjatuh hati lagi dengan seorang bintang AF.. hehe.. Tapi indalah sampai ke tahap kan masuk meminang kah apa.. *LOL* Well, actually I am a huge fan of AF since it started, I LOVE watching the concerts, diaries, sampai sanggup turun padang menonton AF 1 & 2 concerts in Brunei.. Sanggup jua join in the Meet the Fans sessions on both AF1 & 2 seasons, then given free ticket by my eldest sis for meet fan session AF3. However, the interest deterioriate since AF3 till AF6. And NOW, I dunno know how, I became addicted to AF7.. particularly because of one of the students.. hehehe.. He sang this particular song during the AF7 final concert last 16th May 2009:

Title: BENCINTA by Faizal Tahir

Benarkanku tuk berbicara
bicara terus ke hatimu…..hatimu..
hati yang penuh rasa ragu
jangan terus pergi tanpa mendengar ku
begitu mudah untuk kau terus berlalu nanti dulu
berikanlah waktu untuk aku untuk kamu

ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersamaku
kaku aku melihat mu
lidah kelu sedangkan aku mahu kau tahu
aku cinta padamu
benci padamu
cinta padamu

ke tepi lihat ku berlalu
pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku
tiada lagi mahu ku tahu
tentang hidup kamu
tentang mati kamu
aku tahu engkau tahu
apa yang mataku tahu
apa yang kau tunggu
mahu aku buka pintu

ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
kaku aku melihat mu
sedang aku mahu kau tahu
dengar kata ku
aku cinta padamu
benci padamu
cinta padamu

sakitnya aku membenci kamu
sakit lagi mencintaimu
dan aku pergi tapi kembali
benci aku mencintai dirimu
ku benci…. kamu…
ku cinta….kamu…

ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
kaku aku melihat mu
sedang aku mahu kau tahu
dengar kata ku
aku cinta padamu
benci padamu
padamu…..

ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersamaku
kaku aku melihat mu
lidah kelu sedangkan aku mahu kau tahu
aku cinta padamu
aku benci padamu
aku cinta aku benci
padamu

ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
dengar kata ku
aku cinta padamu
aku benci padamu
aku cinta aku benci!!

Fuhhh giler la lagu ni, mempunyai makna dan maksud yg sungguh mendalam dan tersendiri.. I LOVEEEEEEEE IT !!! ;oD

2/ Berhijrah..

As in starting today (21st May 2009 dah in Brunei), I’ll be moving to a new blog, to start a new “life” konon-kononnya.. Therefore, I’m still unsure though whether this will be my final blog here or not.. We’ll just wait and see.. ;o)

Those curious to know, my new blog address is as follow:

http://arni-effa.blogspot.com/

Hopefully everything will be having a new spirit, including my life.. Gonna start my “new” life soon..

-Bukan bermakna aku akan bertukar menjadi org lain, I will still be me, no worries =D

xoxo,

Arni Brunei

Is This The End.. Or Only The Beginning?

Assalamualaikum..

My first blog at a new age.. hmmm I have been abandoning this blog for some time now.. So many things happened within these few months. Well, can’t deny that when you are happy, settled and secure being around your beloved ones, you just want that feelings to continue to be that way and doesn’t want it to ever change. That’s how I feel. I am just so not ready to leave them again.. *sigh*

Was about to go on and share wif you all the happy memories throughout my days in Brunei but I changed my mind.. Wud like to share several things =)

1. Neglect

Yup, since my arrival back in Brunei, there are so many things I have neglected.. so many that it triggers my worry mode to the maximum.. One of them, neglecting my diet.. haha, it’s not that I ever try to diet BUT it’s hard to resist the food here! Badan aku macam telah di pump.. kekeke =P I better think of the clothes back in Durham if I still wanna fit into them.. Well, I need to! Dun wanna bring too much clothes from home! haha. Other than that, there are things that I neglect because of love and fear.. I cudn’t share with you just yet, but I have to neglect them because I just need to..  *sigh* life is so complicated. Yeah, I know mengeluh dalam hidup tidak akan dapat membantu! Life goes on babe! If only I am strong enuff to face that!

2. Reserved

Each day, I reach deep within and I saw the real me, aku lebih selesa untuk mencari kebenaran dalam diri.. Few years back when sumone labelled me as being the kind who is very reserved, I can’t accept that fact, I was angry.. because simply I dun understand why.. Then when few years after that other persons labelled me the same thing, I begin to find evidences and search for it and finally I have to admit that I am in fact a seriously reserved person.. that only I have the answer why..

3. Rainbow

Due to serious boredom, I watched an Indonesian movie a few days back.. Yeah, with the internet connection here, I have to wait ages for the movie to be ready to watch, esp in youtube. In fact, the wait is worth it after watching the entire movie.. i love it! It’s a movie about teaching, a strong will teacher and students in achiving their goals in life walaupun dalam keadaan yg kurang berkemampuan dan dalam kesederhanaan.. I recommend you to watch it. Please people, watch “Laskar Pelangi”.. I’m thinking of bringing the DVD along with me to Durham nanti.. Love it 200%!!

4.Departure

Yup, many has been wondering when I will be going back. I had my date choosen but I will only tell you all later. But my friends in Durham n Dundee.. please feel free to email me anything you want me to bring for you.. I will for sure email you all nanti dekat2 kan departure. Feel like giving a surprise tapi memandangkan kunci pintu rumah tidak ada di tangan ku, so, I better tell them earlier, before I became a snowoman di depan pintu #60 hehehe..

5. Unappreciated

After all these years I have done my best to hold it together but at last I’m letting go.. Only few knows what it’s all about but thank you soulmate for giving me the words of wisdom.. Now I have opened my eyes.. I’m sticking up to those who appreciates my presence, appreciates me for me and for what and who I am to them. Whatever happened on that particular day ripped off my heart and I’m hurt and in fact I am still in the process of healing.. It doesn’t even matters anymore.

Okaylah, dah abis idea ku for this blog.. insyaAllah next time lagi..

Lotsa Love,

Arni in Brunei

Angin, Bawa Aku Pergi Bersamamu…

Assalamualaikum…

HARI INI …

Today, we lost a relative of ours.. semua ini adalah janjiNya bahawa tiada manusia yang akan kekal selamanya.. We are all in line and like it or not, our time will come, maybe today, tomorrow, the next day, Allahuaklam.. All we need to do is prepare our Iman dalam diri.. Untuk bersedia apabila hari itu datang.. InsyaAllah..

SEMALAM, SEMALAMNYA …

Semalam, well semalamnya lagi, we (me n zeah) with unplanned destination went to Belait to visit one of my bestest fren: Dk Mis who is teaching in Mumong.. Well, at least we had a great time, *winkz* especially when it comes to our “secret mission possible” as called by sum1.. hehe XD and.. we had the chance to..

Visit Tugu One Billionth Barrel in Seria..

The sight of Pantai reminds me of UK, yang inda banyak pantai.. Well I mean, we usually feels like going to Pantai melepak masa in Uk, but there aren’t any yg berdekatan.. Suddenly feels like reminising..

WHAT TELAH HAPPENED LATELY… =)

Lately, masa tebaca comment my housemates pasal makan maggi in my facebook a/c, tgh2 malam I went down and masak maggi RAMA.. bukan pasal lapar but pasal “tais liur” and I feel like mengenang kisah2 in Bowburn at that moment. Then, ada sekali atu I went to a supermarket ngan my lil sis, I bought Paratha.. because I missed eating them like we usually do in bowburn. Today, I bought ayam and plan to masak Oyster atas ajaran Zeah masa di UK.. Maseh terbayang-bayang suasana makan kalau di Durham.. Ohh I miss you all lots Durham friends.. =]

Kalau dulu I blogged stating that I’m not sure when I’m going home to Brunei, now I blog and state that I’m not sure when I’ll be going back to Durham. I feel peace here surrounded my families and friends.. It’s not that I never feel peace in Durham, honestly, most of the peace are found when I’m in #60 bowburn. Thanks all in #60 for the ears you lend when I need someone to talk to, the room that allowed me to spill out my worries, my tears, TQ TQ So much.. TQ for the never ending support and motivation to hold on and stay strong up until now. I’m blessed, I know I’ve said this before, I’d like to repeat it again.. I’m blessed to have found friends like all of you in uk.. My prays will also be dedicated for you.. for our success and happiness.. AMIN..

PART TIME ROUTINE …

Life back in Brunei: My eyes just seem to know whenever I have agenda then only it will popped open early and vice versa.. hehehe.. Ohhh… just wanna share what I did during the earlier days I arrived in Brunei: Mengusai my “Wall of Fame”.. hehe ketaguran oleh my lil sis.. She said “Asal balik ja, usai dinding.. haha” bukan apa, it’s just that the old ones ada yg tercabut, iatah terpaksa di buat baru.. hehe

Here it is now, my new workplace.. supaya aku inda tido membuat keraja..

However, sadly, I have tried to start writing again but.. hmm.. the spirit is just not completely here yet. Pray for me yeah.. 

WE ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE …

To those who knew about it. Remember the guy I met during my departure to Brunei? Been trying to find infos about him but I failed to get any.. Where did all my spying skills gone to? hehe.. Well, if I ever meet him again, I’ll share the happy story with you guys XD (IF it’s a happy one.. haha XP)

Talking about guys.. “LELAKI~~” kalau ikut intonasi suara Zeah.. They are just so complicated haha.. whooppss seolah-olah terlupa mungkin ada kaum Adam yg membaca blog ini.. =S

Ohh bukan apa, just reminded by my past.. seorang jejaka yang tersalah teka gerangan gadis yg ingin berkenalan dengannya sanggup berbohong just to get rid of me dengan mengatakan “My GF read you sms… etc etc..” sedangkan dia sebenarnya tidak mempunyai teman wanita pun.. Huh, itu baru di peringkat permulaan perkenalan! Ungkapan kata “I dun mind plg bekawan..” di dalam sms yg seterusnya hanya bohong.. Dia sanggup menipu~! Huh.. It sure took time to heal luka yg disebabkan oleh lelaki itu.. and now, happily ever after, I’m completely over him.. haha.. Such memories.. sampai sanggup melakukan aksi2 seorang “spy” bersama teman baik, yang terbaik di kala itu dan masih teman terbaik di masa sekarang =o)

Itu satu kisah, another kisah aku hampir2 menjalankan kisah cinta dengan Eurasian.. haha.. aku terlambat.. Gadis lain terlebih dahulu membuka langkah menjadikan dia yang teristimewa.. hehe bukan jodoh ku lah tu.. Yg sakitnya dia satu kampung dengan aku.. Pertanyaanku sekarang: Adakah dia masih ingat daku? Kenangan jalan bersama, beraya ke rumahnya, dia bertandang ke rumah ku.. semua itu hanya kenangan terindah sahaja.. Aku pasrah deh.. He’s not mine.. although I don’t deny my feelings towards him pada masa itu (dulu sahaja ya) sgt kuat! Haha macam kisah cinta monyet aja..

Well, Mungkin ada yang terbaik menanti diriku? Atau aku memang ditakdirkan untuk bersendiri? Mungkin.. Hanya Allah yang maha mengetahui segalanya..

Entah mengapa begitu lancar aku menceritakan kisah silamku di dalam blog ku yang ini. Mungkin malam ini, aku ingin mengimbau kenangan2 silam yang memang banyak jika hendak dicoretkan tidak cukup semalaman untuk menaipnya.. Hari ini mengenai lelaki, mungkin di dalam blog seterusnya mengenai perempuan pulak? hehe.. hey, aku straight ya, jgn salah sangka.. it’s just that cerita mengenai teman, sabahat, kawan yang banyak mewarnai hidupku adalah nyata ramainya perempuan dan hanya segelintir sahaja lelaki.. So, maybe next tym.. Masa untuk tidur, besok perlu bangun awal menemankan my dad jaga my nephew ;o)

-Tuhan kirimkan lelaki yang terbaik buat aku-

Arni HS in my beloved room in Mata2

Missing Them So Much.. BUT Can’t Help Enjoying The Stress-Free Environment

Assalamualaikum..

2nd week in Brunei.. my jetlag maseh berleluasa.. ish3.. can’t help it.. I need to set back my time set soon!

Wahhh at last, wednesday 11/02/08 night, dapat jua buat small gathering at the Mall ngan Zeah, Zatul, Oyah n Huda.. It’s so much fun.. hehe.. walaupun gathering para “penganggur bertauliah” XD.. We had dinner @ Mall food court sambil cerita2 updates masing2.. hehe..

Here we are.. tanpa segan silu ambil gambar be timer XD

Then we move on untuk sesi photography di kawasan Rizqun International Hotel.. hehehe..

And finally makan waffle wif aiskrim di Chezbox:

Ohhhh nearly forgot that kitorang sempat berkaraoke at Uni Arcade haha.. around 6 songs atupun payah2 kan memilih.. hehe.. gambar bawah: us before start of singing session:

So, that’s the highlight of February the 11th.. Ohh I would like to take this opportunity to wish my Happy Belated and Advance Birthdays to all those celebrating theirs in Jan n Feb especially:

Beloved sis C-na 5/2/2009.. ohh we had a mini celebration at Nadj Restaurant on the 5th..

and also to Beloved Bestfren Siti Afshah 8/2/2009 whom I havne’t seen for ages.. Miss ya lots beh.

Ohhh talking about missing2.. Yeah, I’m missing all of them in Durham.. I am happy to tell that the peace that I seek for is slowly absorb into me.. Will see you again nanti ya, insyaAllah.. Take care all..

Before I end up my blog, wud love to share the song that helps me move on and hold on few days before I decided to go home..

Song Title: Harus Ku Teruskan

Singer: Aliff Aziz (S’porean)

Kanan dan kiri suramnya terasa
Cuba fahami apa yang terjadi

Kanan dan kiri suramnya terasa
Cuba fahami apa yang terjadi
Tidak tertanggung beban di alami
Mengapa terjadinya sebegini
Tiada guna bertanya semua yang terjadi
Janjiku kepada diri hidup harus aku teruskan

Tuhan berikan sinar harapan
Hembuskan suatu kekuatan
Kumohon jauhkan dari kegelapan ini
Agar bisa aku teruskan

Walaupun lelah untuk menghadapi
Mengalah bukan jawapan yang ada
Walaupun berat segala di dada
Ku pasti mengharungi keakhirnya
Tiada guna bertanya semua yang terjadi
Janjiku kepada diri hidup harus aku teruskan

Tuhan berikan sinar harapan
Hembuskan suatu kekuatan
Ku hanya insan yang kerdil di dunia ini…
Tunjukkan ku jalan hadapan
Ahhh…oohh

Genggami tangan ini oh teman
Disaat aku memerlukan
Dan bila waktu untuk melangkah pergi….
Berikanlah daku cahaya tabahkan jiwaku oh tuhan
Ohhh….

~Salam rindu buat kalian di Durham

*Arni - Brunei home sweet home*

- SpeechLess BuT NoT WoRDLeSs - I FeeL BLeSseD

Assalamualaikum..

This post has been a pending one.. The words just didn’t seem to flow when I started blogging..

The past few weeks had been the hardest time to me.. The month of January itself had been a tear-flowing month.. It’s just that at times, I just didn’t know what need and should be done. To those who witnessed my “other side” when I’m in my stressed out mode, I apologize.. There are so many things that I need to do and hence it all act as a pressure and resulted in me being such a b***h..

On the 23rd of January, me and zeah attended and witnessed Nurul’s graduation in Leicester.. We were happy for her and glad to be there for her as well =) Nurul, once again: CONGRATULATIONS dearest!

What others didn’t know was that, secretly, I consulted my parents back home on what’s the best that I should do with my current situation; my visa is expiring on the 31st of January and the approval of extension from MOE is far from being replied and so, those days.. that week, it was so stressful.. furthermore with 2 essays to be submitted on 2nd of February and visa extension in mind.. pressure is so high! And in the end.. I made up my mind with the approval of my beloved parents.. I bought a ticket and now here I am.. Back home in Brunei in my beloved room.. 

Surprised? Yeah, I’ve been keeping it as a secret all these while that even my closest bestestfren didn’t know about.. It was suppose to be a surprise for her that I’m going to London to send her to Heathrow and it came as a surprise to her that I was actually following her home to Brunei. I’m sorry to those who knew it later.. It was a hard decision, Honestly I don’t really want to come back home this early because of my unfinish businesses in Durham.. but well.. here I am..

I can feel that slowly and immediately, the strength is coming back.. I feel stronger and stronger each day.. Ohh I dunno if it’s jetlag or not, since I need to complete my essays and send them to Durham, been sleeping late around 2-3 am but on the first day I manage to wake up at 9am but today (3/2/09) woke up quite late haha.. XD I haven’t had the chance to go MOE and asked about my case but will do that soon..

On the 29th, the day of our departure to London, Dijah, Kak Nur, Sarvin and Lutfi went to send us at the train station.. ada drama yg berlaku jugak.. gara2 lambat tahu pasal kepulanganku =P but it was a sad day.. that morning, we said goodbye to Kam since she had lecture that morning then goodbye to Kak Zila (who was shocked and couldn’t believe when I told her I’m going home to Brunei) & Amalina who came to say goodbye to Zeah that morning at our house. We all jumped into the taxi to the train station and while waiting for the train, took some pictures to kill the time..

Left to Right: Me, Kak Nur, Zeah, Sarvin & Dijah 

Then gambar ngan lutfi before boarding train.. Sorry ek aku x bagitau awal2 aku nk balik..

When we arrived at London King’s Cross train station, kami ambil kesempatn untuk begambar ngan the famous  platform 9 3/4… hehe

Back to when we were at Brunei Hall,  on the 29th itself I went to see the officers there and dissappointingly I was asked to write a new letter applying for the extension with the reason that they need a new letter from uni as a support to extend me at least by mid 2009. What I don’t understand is that they should have replied my former letter by stating that they need a new support letter earlier than that? That is what? A day before my departure? Hmm dissappointed but I am so thankful to the support of the officers who understood my problem..

On the 30th, we went browsing london untuk shopping apa2 yg patut hehe and 31st, as early as 4.30am our taxi went to heathrow walaupun terjadi something yg menakutkan tapi alhamdulillah it’s all settled.. and we safely arrive at heathrow and happened to be the first 2 to arrived and wait in front of the RBA counter XD

The picture below is Me before setting foot onto the aeroplane (just realized that I look so happy in this pic):

Then me n Zeah sempat begambar before turun kapal at Dubai.. ohh kisah “hati yg terpaut” terjadi beberapa minit selepas ini haha XD *HE* took my heart away =(

So, with me here in Brunei, I hope that I’ll find myself again and I’ll keep on searching for it and when it’s time, I’ll be back to continue and finish up what I have started.. Amin, Amin.  

Finally, with the help of Dijah, my essays are successfully submitted.. Something happened in between and thanks to my supportive supervisor for giving me a second chance.. I finally told him that I’m actually in Brunei and apologize for not telling him earlier. I explained my case and he is really understanding that he touched my heart.. He said the reason for him to be there is to help students, like me and he gave me the spirit and told me that I can do this and will finally come to a successful end.. Amin.. Ohh how am I gonna thank Dijah, my proofreader and my supervisor for the greatest support they have given me.. I feel blessed to be surrounded by kind friends and lecturers..

So, insyaAllah will be back soon ikut keadaan.. internet here is quite slow especially pagi and petang.. but at time like now (2.37am) okay je.. mungkin sebab inda ramai yg use internet kan =P

-Till Then-

“I really hope that I’ll find myself again soon” and I hope I’ll meet *HIM* again soon..

-ARni in Brunei-

SeaRChiNg FoR SuNShiNe To BrighTeN My GLooMy DaY…

Assalamualaikum…

On the19th Jan, we (me, zeah n dija) send off Zatul and family departing to London via coach at Durham Bus Station. As usual, saying goodbyes have never been and never will be easy… Airmata yang ditahan tumpah jua.. Baru jua bermesra ngan Zatul’s family for the past few days, then we have to wave goodbye so soon.. *sigh*

Oh, CONGRATULATIONS to Zatul & Sarvin for their congregation on the 16th and 15th respectively..

Actually lately, I feel like I am lost, lost within myself, I failed to find the strength that I wanted. My soul feel so empty, the need to move on.. is just not there.. rather, not here.. My mood swings from Happy to Grumpy to Cranky in split seconds.. I just can’t control my mood anymore.. I can easily get emotionally pissed off with even a slight provoking/insulting/annoying actions/statements.. I just can’t be myself anymore. I’m turning into someone who can’t tolerate easily. I’m turning into a b***h it seems.. and what triggers it: The need to be ready for everything: Being “alone” not it the sense that I don’t have any friends around.. it’s just that I’m going to lose quarter of my “soul” soon, the need to be ready for another “goodbye” session.. it’s just too much, especially at times like this. Ohh don’t want to look into the future yet, back to happiness, Nurul will be here in Durham soon.. ohh can’t wait! But then.. will need to say goodbye jua after that *sigh*.. I just can feel that there will be so much tears falling out by the end of this month.. I need to be strong, although I am not sure if I actually could…

There are just simply so much things to think about.. with me living with uncertainty, I am blessed to be surrounded by beloved friends who are concern but yet need to bare with me, someone who prefer keeping it all inside and pouring it all to myself. I don’t like to share what’s bothering me because I grew up being that way and there’s no way I’m gonna change. I will not change for others, I will only change for myself.. I am who I am and nothing will change that. Currently I am stuck with two main tasks that I need to complete before the end of January. Both are so damn important that it slowly became some kind of burden to me.. !! ^&*(^&!!

Ok, leave that behind for some time first… Just a small annoucement to those who knew about my personal story.. a secret that I share with a couple of friends here and there.. I gave up, there is no more “THAT THING” going on.. slowly, bit by bit, I took it away from within me and now I succeed.. I’ve thrown all of it into my memory box.. I know I will find what I seek for one day.. AMIN..

As always, wanna share a song with all readers.. a song I first heard today and immediately love it to the max.. This song goes to all who are sharing the same feeling as me right now…

Song By - Avril Lavigne : Keep Holding On

You’re not alone
Together we stand
I’ll be by your side
You know I’ll take your hand

When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There’s no place to go
You know I won’t give in
No I won’t give in

Keep holdin’ on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just, stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you

There’s nothing you can say (Nothin’ you can say)
Nothing you can do (Nothin’ you can do)
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth

So, keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it’s too late
This could all disappear

Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend
I’ll fight and defend, Yeah yeah

Keep holdin’ on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just, stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you

There’s nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

Hear me when I say
When I say I believe
Nothing’s gonna change
Nothing’s gonna change destiny

Whatever’s meant to be
Will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..

La da da da, la da da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holdin’ on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just stay strong
‘Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you

There’s nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh
Keep holdin’ on
Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh

Keep holdin’ on
There’s nothing you could say
Nohing you could do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
‘Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

- I am glad I can still smile although deep inside I am breaking down -

Nursyeffarni : still Stranded in Durham

p/s: To Kak Nur, welcome to the family of #60, officially.. ;o)

iT’s TiMe To… BeFoRe iT’s ToO LaTe…

Assalamualaikum…

My first blog in 2009… Being in a situation of an uncertain ending, my life is still at risk… I don’t know where to start and I don’t know how to start… *sigh*

On new year’s eve, we (me, zeah n dja) stayed at home and while waiting for the clock to strike 12, we did a photography session in our living room, just for fun and untuk mengisi masa terluang. Nampak sangat jobless habis! XD We had 3 photography sessions with 3 different themes..

1st: The flowery blouse we bought together..

2nd: Shades of Brown theme…

3rd and Final: Black & White theme…

Btw, soon, the reality of life will need to be accepted by me.. I am gonna have to say goodbye.. *sigh*..

Ohh again as before, I don’t wanna think too much about it.. I am afraid I am gonna be weaker with too many sad things to think about.. I need to stay strong until I manage to end what I started with an excellent ending.. I have to!

So, oh, while doing some of my works, I came across Kam’s tag in my multiply a/c and I have done the tag questions and have tag some people as well.. to know who they are please go to..

http://nursyeffarni.multiply.com/journal/item/83/BiLa_2008_MeLaBuH_TiRaiNya…_2009_KiNi_MeNJeLMa…_TaG_QueSTioN…_JeNg3?replies_read=2

Anyways, I am now officially hijrah-ing room from 1st floor to ground floor.. Been packing up my things and bringing them downstairs.. TQ Zeah for helping me. Fuhhh currently, there are 6 boxes full of my stuffs and there are so many things that are still upstairs, including my daily clothes and all my suitcases. I am bringing them down soon.. So, Goodbye room..

Below are some pictures on how my former room look like over the years..

Misha Omar - Cinta Adam & Hawa

Cinta Adam dan Hawa, terbit di syurga terang di jiwa mengerakkan Nurani, mencari kasih suci

sehingga kita yang tertinggal saling damba

sentiasa rasa sunyi bersendiri

mana dia… kekasih hati?

mana dia… pujaanku yang sejati

dengarlah bisikan asmaraku

Cinta Adam dan Hawa, satu bersama, satu terpisah buat diriku tertanya-tanya

Cinta Adam dan Hawa satu harapan, satu sandaran, buat diriku rindukan dia.

Mana dia… kekasih hati?

Mana dia…. Pujaanku yang sejati dengarlah bisikan asmaraku,

Cinta Adam dan Hawa, satu bersama satu terpisah buat diriku tertanya-tanya

Kau yang aku puja kau yang aku cinta, kasihku di Firdausi….

Cinta Adam dan Hawa terbit di Syurga terang di Jiwa menjadi saksi impian murni

Cinta Adam dan Hawa satu bersama satu terpisah buat diriku tertanya-tanya,

Cinta Adam dan Hawa….

-Semoga ku jumpa insan yg benar2 memahami diriku, mencintai dan menyayangi aku dengan ikhlas dan tulus.. insan yang akan bersamaku di dalam mengharungi dan menjalani sisa2 hidup ku di dalam suka dan duka di dunia dan untuk menemani diriku di alam akhirat kelak-

Nursyeff@ni HS - still stranded in Bowburn 2009

Don’T eVeR BreaK My HearT…

Assalamualaikum,

Waking up on a new week just a few days to New Year 2009, my throat is burning… Yeah, I’m catching a sore throat. The worst scenario is happening to me… My head is buzzing now and then. It’s so damn cold outside! We (me and Zeah) went to the post office a few hours back and it’s freezing cold! The post office ain’t that far and we can feel the cold inside out… even with the winter coat I wore, it doesn’t help… Ohh how I wish I could be at home, home in Mata2, Brunei. Ma, Pa, everyone, I miss you all so much *sigh*

Yeah, that’s all that I’ve been doing lately… Missing everything and everyone back home! Well, that’s the easiest thing that can be done as compare to completing an essay which is due soon! I’m sick of myself.. Sick of being sorry for myself.. Tired of being the way I am now! I need to regain my strength.. I need to.. I have to!

Ohhh I guess it’s not too late to wish everyone “Selamat Tahun Baru Hijrah 1430″ especially to my beloved family and friends and anyone and everyone who knew me. 2008 is reaching it’s end soon and 2009 is about to open its curtain. The most famous question I’ve been asked lately is: When are you coming home? Yeah, not once, not twice. Okay, let me declare it: I am not going home anytime soon.. I’m stuck here until I myself is not sure of when. I just don’t want to go home yet. There are unfinish businesses that I need to complete first then only I’ll be back home..

Okay, back to updates.. A few days back was Boxing day, my 2nd time in UK.. This year, we (me n zeah) stayed in Durham and we (me, zeah and Dijah) went to Newcastle for our shopping. Went to Metrocenter as early as possible. However by the end of the first day, it’s dissappointing and it’s only during the second day (saturday) that we regain our shopping mood back in Dalton Park. Went as early as 8am and bought several things for myself only.. haha sorry beloved families.. budget crash sikit this year ;oP Well, agreeing with Zeah, shopping 2 days in a row is really tiring and exhausting.. but the satisfaction after shopping is what matters more! Hehehe.

Lets see.. what else? Oh yeah, been quite busy as well for the past few days packing my things into my boxes. Will be migrating to the room downstairs and share with zeah beginning somewhere in mid january. Well, it’s quite sad actually when I was packing my stuffs to bring it downstairs and at the same time zeah was packing her stuffs to be ready for shipping home this January. When at this one time Zeah asked me the golden question, more to a statement actually (something similar to this): Arni, balik Brunei sama2 tani. I spontaneously answer with a strict voice: NO. I myself is surprise with my own answer but that’s exactly the answer I want to give. No… I can’t and I won’t.. I wish I could but.. *sigh*

Okay, forget about that for now.. I’m so looking forward to meeting Zatul and Nurul this January and although we’ll not share the happiness of garduating together but I am still here to be happy for them sincerely. How time flies so fast.. I need to hold on, yeah.. I have to be strong.. Never look back.. Never regret!

Let me just share a bit of encouragement from a cute book given by Zatul to me as her farewell gift..

“Always Hope for the Best - by Nancye Sims”

Don’t let go of hope. Hope gives you strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.

Don’t ever quit believing in yourself. As long as you believe, you have a reason to try…

Don’t measure success or failure by material wealth, but by how you feel; our feelings determine the richness of our lives.

Don’t let bad moments overcome you. Be patient; they will pass.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for help; we all need it sometimes.

Don’t wait for what you want to come to you; go after it with all that you are, knowing that life will meet you halfway…

Don’t feel like you’ve lost when plans and dreams fall short of your hopes. Anytime you learn something new about yourself or life, you have progressed.

Don’t do anything that takes away from your self-respect. Feeling good about yourself is essential to feeling good about life.

Don’t forget how to laugh or be too proud to cry. It is by doing both we live life to its fullest.

>> Such strong words and lines and it’s all up to us on how to colour our lives for the better and the best.

And lastly to “you”, I’m giving up, and I’m letting these feelings go.. I pray for your happiness with whoever you chose as your other half.. This song is for “you”..

Cinta Dalam Hati - Ungu

Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
Mengagumi tanpa di cintai
Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
Dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu

Telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
Menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
Tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
Bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

Reff:
Ku ingin kau tahu
Diriku di sini menanti dirimu
Meski ku tunggu
Hingga ujung waktuku

Dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
Dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
Tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
Dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja

Nukilan Nursyeff@rni HS, Bowburn 2008

TraPPeD WiThiN My oWn MinD…

Assalamualaikum,

Another 25th of December in UK

Today is christmas day here in UK and somehow the surroundings, the atmosphere outside doesn’t feel festive. It’s so quiet and oh, this year we (me and zeah) planned to stay in Durham. Last year we (me, zeah and zatul) reunite with Nurul in Leicester at this time around. Such a lovely memory to remember.. sampai sanggup tinggal di hotel so that we will be next to the city center shops hehe.. So, this is how UK looks like on this particular day.. very2 sunyi, all shops are close except some bars. That doesn’t matter actually.. what matters more is that on this particular day, my beloved family held another garage sale open 2 days in a row. This is the second time I missed the happening garage sales.. I am so disappointed with myself for not making sure that I’ll be back home by now. It’s all my fault and there’s nothing that could be done to turn back time.. Everything today and whatever awaits ahead is more important than thinking of the past.

Anyways, just wanna take this opportunity to wish a close friend of mine: MASHERNA & hubby “Selamat Pengantin Baru” on this very date 25 December 2008. Thanks for everything dearest, especially for helping me with my thesis data gathering and I am sorry I can’t attend your wedding. Thanks for the sms invite anyways =)

New Friends & Birthday celeb

The month of December is filled with so many memories. let me just recap what happened in December. Early December - on the 2nd we had a birthday celebration for Yusran with a theme of Candle Light DInner at Shifa’s and then comes the snow.. heavy snow on the 4th!! We had fun playing with snow that particular day. Then on the 7th, we had a farewell dinner for Zatul with the theme of Pink. Went down to London to send Zatul off to heathrow and then on the 14th, Raya Aidiladha celebration at Keenan house with Malaysians and then within that week, our house is more merrier with visitors. Starting with Dijah’s friend and family to Kam’s friends. On the 22nd we celebrated Dijah’s and Shifa’s birthday with the theme of blue. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO DIJAH & SHIFA. Hope you both had a blast on your birthday hari tu =) To all Kam’s friends, thank you for coming to Durham ;o)

Feeling the Silence

It was just a few days back that Kam and her friends depart Durham to enjoy christmas holiday and boxing day elsewhere and we are left a trio in the house: me, zeah and dijah. It feels so different, everything is so silent, in short we miss having Kam around. Well, we have to face the fact after all. Everyone’s leaving Durham and have to leave Durham when the time comes. It feels like we are back when we start living in this very house when me, zeah and zatul are the only ones living in #60. Then Nurul joins us, then Dijah then Kam and then Nurul went home for good to Brunei, followed by Zatul and will be followed by yet another closest bestest fren ever after this. I just dun wanna think of what it would be like when that time comes. Our PRs: PR1 - Min has gone for good to M’sia: we are missing her dearly.. sweet min. PR2 - Kak Nur is still in Ustinov and will be insyaAllah our housemate this January then PR3 - Shifa is no longer our PR after her hubby is staying with her here in Durham. Then our new PR4 - Lutfi is back in M’sia for a short holiday.. (ohhh walaupun bergelar PR, Lutfi x dibenarkan tido di #60 tau.. hehe.. jangan salah sangka please..) So, in short.. rumah kami dah terasa sunyi.. I’m not sure if this is the kind of atmosphere that I love most or I hate most.. In fact, I already miss having everyone by now!!

Never been this so Oversensitive before

I really don’t know why lately I feel that it’s so easy for my to feel pissed off over even a very simple thing. My heart is easily torn over simple reasons. Simply saying that I am so over sensitive nowadays. I myself is not sure why BUT thinking of all that I have been through really affects my emotions.. making me in such an unstable position right now.. In addition, thinking of what awaits for me in the future also triggers this oversensitive emotion. I can’t help myself, I fail to refrain myself at times. I am so weak to hide my emotions. I remembered this one night when Lutfi shows us the premiere of our amazing race video, instead of being happy, I ended up crying by the end of the video. The scenes of me and my amazing race partner:Zatul make my eyes watery. Maybe some of them might not understand why I react that way.. It’s not simply because zatul has gone home a few days before that.. It’s about everything.. yeah everything.. it’s hard to explain and I am not sure if I could explain it either..

Sincerely letting it go

Am falling in love with Ziana Zain’s new song: Dingin.. I’ll just post it here and let everyone think about and understand the lyrics..

Title: DINGIN

Artis: Ziana Zain

dingin malam yang menyelubungi
hening sayu dalam hati
berbicara bersendirianku rasa resah
selama dibuai rindu
pada cinta yang terlalu
terpendam di dalam khayalan

kan ku leraikan impian indah
kepadanya ku berserah
mungkin tak daya
ku tawan cinta yang sama

*chorus
dinginnya getaran asmara
sentuhan mula bermadah
ku tak bisa juarai
jiwa yang ku tak punya

dinginnya bila kau berkata
ruang buat ku tiada
memoriku gengamilah
biarkan aku beralah

dalam hatiku tiada dendam
walau impian semalam
masih mekar dalam ingatan

kan ku leraikan impian indah
kepadanya ku berserah
mungkin tak daya
tawan cinta yang sama

oo hooo ooooo…
*Chorus

mungkin tak daya
tawan cinta yang sama
ooooooooooooo

*chorus

Torn In The Heart

Assalamualaikum,

Zatul’s Departure

It’s just a few days ago that me and zeah came back from London. Reason: Sending Zatul off to Brunei on the 11th. Another close friend is going home for good and me? Yeah I am still stuck here.. right here.. right now.. :o( Went down to London on the 10th pakai bus and arrived at Bru Hall around 10-11pm kalau inda silap.. Thanx to Zatul for the dinner from Restaurant Bonda. The very next day, depart from Bru Hall to heathrow.. I dun know how, I manage to refrain myself from pouring any tears seeing Zatul walk into the departure lounge. From Heathrow, went straight to Oxford Street area.. memborong Tie Rack hehe then went back to Bru Hall to continue sleeping hehehe. That’s when the tears fell.. Zatul gave each of us a thank you card and gifts.. Then that was when all the memories with her replay.. Although I knew that she is coming back in January, it’s gonna be different. All the best Zatul in your future career. It’s sad, arriving here together but didn’t have the chance to go home together.. *sigh* Picture below: Us @ Costa Heathrow before Zatul’s departure.

Searching For Myself… Again

Lately, the motivation to continue everything is so low.. feelings of giving up are slowly growing deep inside.. Damn! I know I shouldn’t be feeling that way.. There are so many things that need to be done but I dunno why, I just dun have the strength, not enough force to do them.. Aku begitu lemah!! Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangatku, kembalikan semangatku untuk meneruskan perjuangan ku ini.. I just feel like I don’t know myself anymore. What I realized lately is that I prefer being a very reserved person more than ever. Yeah, “Reserve” kind of person, 2 persons had labelled me as reserve and only when I am here that I realized how true it was.. That’s me, I rather keep most of the things to myself and would rather blame myself for anything and everything that happened. After all, being reserved is what made me who I am today.. I will always be me, and nobody else..

Missing in action

When my lil sis told me weeks ago that they (She and my parents) are going to KK since Monday (15/12) till Friday if I am not mistaken, I actually feel so sad.. it’s more to the feeling of disappointed.. How I wish I was there and for sure I will be one of the passengers at the back seat with lil sis.. Jan msged me on the day they depart Brunei via Limbang, Temburong, Lawas to Kota Kinabalu Sabah using car saying that they are on their way and how she wish I was there with her.. that tore my heart.. *sigh* I wish I was there with her too!

That feelings just won’t go away

No matter how much I wanna forget it, it is just still there.. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, I really can’t! No matter how hard I try to avoid it, it seems impossible. All these are just lies that I need to tell to myself. I don’t know how to explain and I don’t want to explain it either. It’s not that I have no one to tell but I just don’t want to tell..

Insan yang kecewa,

Arni@Effa bowburn 2008